I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
