i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
