Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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