you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
