I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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