So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
