she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
