I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
