i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
