I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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