Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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