U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
