Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm really busy with my period
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