She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
