New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
