Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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