she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Randomize
