You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I love you.
Bad choice
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