you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
