I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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