Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
