It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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