She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
