Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
