she takes plan B like it's going out of style
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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