mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
