i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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