I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
