what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
