You made me cry and you don't even care
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
