you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
and you fell through a lawn chair
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
