FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
