You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
