So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize