I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
These tits shall not be calmed
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
