Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
tell me about the fingering
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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