There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
