i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
