When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
