just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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