There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
