I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
