She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
