i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
