How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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