Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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