I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
he shaved USA in his pubs
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I need moral support for this bender
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
