Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
