after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
