i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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