it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
