my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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