I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
