the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
