I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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