I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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