I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
