I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
