i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize