if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
