Do vagina's smell?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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