508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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