Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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