Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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