I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
