I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
